Friend

I've always been this sort of solitary girl. I spend almost all my time alone, crippled by the sheer idea of going up to someone and saying hi. I hide behind my books and my writing because it's easy. For me, having friends, especially close ones is really hard. I've had a few very close friends, but I never really tried to make it last. Only once did I really try, and it broke my heart.

When I was younger, I was bullied. I had no friends, and as hard as I tried, it was impossible for me to have friends; being friends with me meant social suicide. When I finally changed schools, I met this boy. Instantly, we became friends. He really was like a brother to me. If people ever asked if we were dating, we'd laugh at the idea, like two siblings would. I was always there for him, through thick and thin. He knew all my secrets, and I knew all of his.
One day, he disappeared. Vanished from my life without as much of a word as goodbye. It completely broke my heart. He'd met a girl and forgot his old friends, including me. Over night, I had lost my first and closest friend, ironically to the girl who had bullied me, though he doesn't know it. I tried confronting him, and I got nothing. No reason why he stopped speaking to me, no reason why we couldn't be friends. I'll admit, I cried. A lot and for a long time. I had lost the one person I always wanted to talk to, to ask for advice, and every time something happened, he was the one I wanted to tell it to. It's been 5 years since we last spoke, and I still wish I could.
I understand that people change, they move on, but it hurts nonetheless. He was the first person I ever truly trusted, and he completely betrayed that already fragile trust. Maybe that's why it hurt so bad. Some might think I was in love with him and never realized it. Whatever the reason may be, it changed me.

For a long time, I became very pessimistic. I didn't want to have friends. Even when I did manage to make friends, I found any excuse to leave. My reasoning was that I would rather leave, knowing it was my fault, than be left, and never knowing why.
Slowly, I got better. Fighting the urge to run away, finding the courage to face my fears. It's still hard to make friends for me. I'm terrified of talking to people. I still want to run away and give up, but I try as hard as I can, kicking myself in the butt to stay and fight for those I love. Friendship is so precious; you never know when you'll find that one friend who will leave a permanent mark, or if they will leave an irreplaceable hole in your life.

Cookies and Cupcakes!

I'm not a very good cook. In fact, I'm terrible! But I do love baking. Yesterday, I decided to procrastinate and avoid homework by making some delicious coconut cupcakes and chocolate chip cookies.

 Wait a minute, these aren't chocolate chip cookies! Yeah.... about that. I sort of forgot to put one of two cups of flour when I put the in the oven so when I pulled then out a minute later, the chocolate chips had already started melting, but I had to mix in the extra cup! So thus becoming chocolate cookies.
But boy are they nice and chewy!

Happy weekend :)

Cats

Did you know I have 2 cats?
My family has had cats even before we became a family. We had two very old cats when my sister and I were little, and when they died, we wanted to get another one. A few years later, we went to the Humane Society and found ourselves this tiny little black cat with golden eyes they had named "Midas." The name stuck and we never changed it. He was a super energetic and playful kitten, always attacking pompoms and running around. Now, he's about 9 years old, and he's now a lazy cat who sleeps anywhere (especially the most uncomfortable spots!) and still manages to exploit the "puppy dog eyes."

About three years later, I was at a friend's house. She lived in the country and back then, we were joined at the hip. I had spent the weekend at her house chasing around new born kittens. We brought them into the house and played with them and named them. By the end of the weekend, there were only two that we could find; a little black one and a colourful one. Her father had name the black one "Darth Vader" and we had named the other one "Arya." We had just seen the movie Eragon and I had fallen in love with the princess's name. When the time came to be picked up, my friend suggested I keep the kitty. My parents agreed, and we welcomed this wild little thing into a family.
It took a few days before she stopped hissing at us, but she warmed up to us and now she's Midas' best friend, and always has "murder gifts" for us (dead mice and birds at our door).

Perspective

I never really pictured myself as the photogenic type. I always thought that I looked distorted-different in pictures (even worse when my voice is recorded...!).
Saturday, we was getting ready to go out clubbing for my friend Jessica's birthday. While I was putting makeup on and taking a shot or two (or three), I started taking pictures, you know, like girls do when they are buzzed and in a bathroom!
I found myself really surprised at the results! I don't know if it's because of the extra makeup or just because my standards were lowered, but I actually liked the pictures I took! Granted, I deleted 80% of them on the spot. The best part is that these pictures are close-ups, which I hated even more than normal. Hint: flawed skin, girlish insecurities and all that jazz.

The point it, this has made me like taking pictures and trying out different angles, which is good, since I've been lacking the enthusiasm of taking pictures for this blog.
Sometimes it only takes one small, great thing, to make you want to keep going and do better.

Here are my favourites:

Deutschland

May 1st, 2013 was the first day of the Canadian Summer School in Germany (CSSG), one of the greatest adventures I've had yet. This program is based out of the University of Alberta and consists of about 50 students going to Kassel, Germany. There, we live with a host family, we go to school every day in the morning, spend time exploring the city and learn a TON of German. During the 6.5 weeks of the program, we got to travel a little too; we went to Cologne and Berlin, and even a soccer game!

Of the things I miss the most, Kassel was definitely one of them. I miss the city, the hills, the trams and the general ambiance of this smaller city (only 200,000 people). Even though I had school every day, it was still quite relaxing. School ended at 12, then we had the whole day and night to roam with our friends, eat Spaghetti Eis, go to cafés or shop at the mall.

Yes, this is ice cream!

I loved going to a soccer game! It was exhilarating! I had never gone to a sporting event before, other than baseball, but this was a completely different ball game (see what I did there?). Germans are crazy! There were two "hooligan sections," where you were allowed to be drunk, have noise makers and scream. There was even a drum leader and everyone was perfectly in sync with their cheers! Plus, I had a good friend sitting beside me answering all my dumb soccer questions!

Cologne was interesting. We climbed all 550 steps inside the cathedral, shopped until I dropped, went out with part of the group to a wine festival, then off to drink delicious local beer and get lost in the city trying to find a club, then trying to sleep on the bus, covering in shopping bags.

Oh, Berlin. I fell in love with that city. All the monuments, the history, the pieces and scars of the wall, the things to see, the art, the culture, it was incredible! I wandered by myself and got lost for a couple of hours in the city (yes, we are allowed to wander alone-we have cellphones!) and everywhere I turned, there was something else to see. Then, going clubbing with the girls was another adventure! It's not a city like Paris or New York, with a romantic reputation; no, this is a city that you don't see coming. It grows on you and before you know it, you don't want to leave.

I miss Germany. I loved every part of my trip, even if it was hard to be so far away from home sometimes. It was such an amazing experience that I will always be grateful to have had.

Bis bald Deutschland!

Goodbye Summer!

This weekend was the official start of fall. For the occasion, I decided it was time to start wearing jeans again. Confession: I haven't worn anything other than yoga pants since March... So here I am, getting used to wearing jeans again. The weather is colder, school has started back up again, the leaves are changing, and I keep hearing about pumpkin spiced lattes. It's not quite sweater-weather yet, but it's coming.

Top: H&M // Jeans: Aéropostale // Purse: Aéropostale // Flats: Walmart

This was the first piece of clothes I bought in Germany. I totally fell in love with the lace work in the back. It's elegant and dark enough to fake a non-see-through effect, while the front is plain enough to match it with almost anything; jeans, stripes, scarves, colours, etc.

Here's to the start of Fall!

Banana Split!

The weather here has been getting me down; it's cold and cloudy and it's been making me sleepy and craving sugar and greasy foods. Last night, I decided to make myself the best dessert ever! It was so yummy!

You'll need:

-1 banana

-Ice cream

-Fruit (strawberries, pineapples, whatever you like!)

-Chocolate sauce*

-Whipped cream

Start with slicing the banana in half, and putting two (or three!) ice cream scoops on a plate or bowl.

Then add the fruit (as much as you like) on top, add the chocolate sauce and whipped cream and there you go! You've got yourself a yummy, guilt-inducing banana split!

*If you don't have any chocolate sauce on hand, here's how you make your own!
In a microwaveable bowl, mix one tablespoon of cocoa powder, one tablespoon of sugar and about one tablespoon of water. Mix it all together and warm it up 10 seconds at a time!

Happy Friday!

Lazy Girl's Waves

I am a super lazy person, who has to wake up early for school and would rather sleep in than take the time to brush her hair, and hates to have her hair in her face. Sounds like I should just chop it all off, doesn't it!? More often than not, you'll see me with my hair up in a messy bun.
I'm going to share a secret with you: waves.

Here's how I do it:

After I shower, I twist my hair up into a bun immediately after having towel dried it a little.

(It's dry in this picture, but you get the concept!)

After that, whenever my hair is dry, I let it go and voila!

Ideas: Flowers of the Mind

An idea, when it pops in your head is very fragile. Much like the seeds of a flower. The seeds need nurturing and soil to grow into beautiful flowers, and so do ideas. At first, you need to plant your idea, and give it water and sunlight. You have to give it time to grow into a small sprout, then slowly it will become a flower. It takes time though.
When you have an idea, you need to ruminate over it. Don't go straight to your computer and write, just like you can't photograph a planted seed. There's no point. First, you have to think about it. Then, you start to build a library of images, sounds, words, smells and feelings around the idea. This feeds the idea, like water feeds your soon-to-be flower.
You find images and sounds or music that make you think of your idea, a possible story. You find quotes or poems that relate to your idea, and maybe even smells and textiles that suck you in to this growing idea. You may start to see the sprout, and feel the itch to write the whole story, watch it bloom, but not yet. Be patient.
Now that your sprout is getting stronger, you can start to put together small fragments. One sentence here and there, maybe a few words exchange by your characters. No more than a sentence. Anything that comes to mind, write it. Don't be afraid of the crazy ideas, the nonsensical things that your brain will make up; be open to all possibilities. Maybe your blue flower will turn out to be white, or green.
Then, you start to build the puzzle. Put those phrases in the order you like, that makes sense to you. At this point, your flower's bud is becoming visible, but still delicate. You must tread carefully. You can't let yourself go too fast, or you'll lose your flower. Once you have some sort of order to your story, you create an outline, whether detailed or not. By then, you are just dying to see this flower bloom. You feel like if you don't write it all down, you will explode.
Go ahead. Write. Let it bleed out from your fingertips, flood through the white pages until you have no more words to write. Until your flower is beautiful and strong. It may not be perfect, the way you imagined it, it never is, but at least now you have it, it's there. What you do with it after is another story.

Animals & Sunsets

I spent this weekend petting cute little animals, running away from too-energetic ones, and witnessing beautiful sunsets. I was at Alex's house this weekend, just outside of Steinbach, a small city about an hour outside of Winnipeg. His family doesn't own a farm, but they have a huge yard, and so they have room to take care of many animals; chickens, geese, doves, ducks, rabbits, a dog, and a few kittens. I love being there. I love the fresh air, the lack of city noises and the amazing starry skies.
Here are a few photos I took:

Adorable little decoration in the flower patch!

The Big Words.

My filmmaking class sometimes seems more like a morality/psychology class... We often talk about things that affect us human beings. That's what we do as filmmakers and storytellers; we talk about the human condition. One thing that can always spike up a conversation, as my prof explained, are what she calls "the big words." They are words that have a powerful meaning, that are often associated with the terrible things that happen to us, like war and slaughter, but also the good things, like hope and faith. Things that can make any one of us start a heated argument.

An example would be the word justice: she asked us who was for or against the death penalty. Without started an argument, of course.

Here's the list we came up with in class:

-Seven deadly sins (Greed, gluttony, lust, sloth, vanity, envy, pride)
-Rage                     -Martyrs                    -Will                       -Duty
-Sacrifice                -Patriotism                -Redemption          -Valour
-Glory                    -Loyalty                    -Joy                        -Doubt
-Fraternity              -Courage                   -Grace                    -Equality
-Justice                   -Hope                       -Prudence               -Obedience
-Denial                  -Faith                         -Hypocrisy             -Forgiveness
-Jealousy               -Liberty                      -Honor

All of these can make for great subtext in a movie, or any story. My prof has over 80 of these words. Some of these, you can relate to right away, others you need to think about.

What are some of your big words?

Sisters

We may not be super close, but I still love my sister. She's loud, totally disorganized, crazy, a total social butterfly, a hoarder, hilarious and she's got a great fashion sense.

We only have 1 year and a half age difference, which can lead to some pretty intense sister rivalry. We fight, we make up, we fight, we talk it out, and it goes on. But having less than 2 years difference also makes for having a lot in common.

Now we go to school together again, and we might see each other more often. We both work a lot and we have our own social circles, but I definitely want us to be closer. If we try, we get along great! ...we just have to try a little more!

Happy weekend!

Happy Sushi!

Today is a good friend of mine's birthday (Happy birthday Jess!) and we went out for sushi during lunch, which so happened to be literally across the street from the university!

Sushi: Salmon rolls and California rolls // Shirt: (Germany) // Cardigan: Warehouse One

I'm sure I'm not the only one when I say this: I LOVE sushi! My mom has always loved japanese culture, and so she started making sushis at home and I can never get enough! At first, I only ate it with cooked fish. Eventually, I started experimenting and discovers that seaweed and raw fish really isn't as terrible as it sounds!
And the rest, as they say, is history.

Elephants

I love elephants. They are definitely my favourite animal. I'm not entirely sure why, but here's the story:

I've always thought they were pretty cool, but it wasn't until I watched Water for Elephants that I really fell in love with them. They are such a fascinating and intelligent animal...!
Then, I watched a couple documentaries on Netflix, namely Echo of the Elephants and that only deepened my love for these giants.

When I was in Germany, I went to the Berlin Zoo with a couple friends and they had elephants!!!!! I have overjoyed. It was just one, either. They had a bunch! I think there must have been six of them! They even had a baby!

Anyway, my last day in Germany, I went to a fair with my host mom and I found this gorgeous necklace. (For some reason, elephant-pendant necklaces seem to be all the rage these days) Having only a couple Euros left for the airport, I couldn't afford it. So I just walked away... The next day, when my host mom dropped me off at the train station, she gave me a little gift. I opened it in the bus and there it was: the elephant necklace!

I couldn't believe she'd gone back while I wasn't looking to buy it! Danke, danke, danke!

Peer Support

Last year, I decided to get more involved in school. I hated high school and really didn't want anything to do with it. When I got to university, I decided that I wanted to make these next few years count. I wanted these to stand out even more than high school. So, I decided to join a student group. The student group I chose is Peer Support.

The best way to explain what this group does is this: it's a counselling service for students by students. We are trained by a professional counsellor and have office hours, where students can come and talk to us about anything, from school stress to breakups to more serious problems like depression and suicide. It's a safe space for students to talk and we have the same secrecy policy as normal counsellors do. Sometimes, it's easier to talk to a peer, or someone your own age, rather than someone much older (40s-50s), where you could maybe feel like a subordinate.

I've dealt with many situations, first and (mostly) second hand and I know that if I were in those situations, I would want someone to talk to, who knew how to help me. I want to help others. I want to be there for anyone who needs help, whether it's advice or just a shoulder to cry on. They don't need to be my best friends, I will be there.

Anyway, this year, during O-Week (we have big festivities during the first week of class; beer gardens, free food, live bands, campus tours, etc.) and our co-ordinators had a table for Peer Support with a registration list. I helped out Thursday and Friday on my breaks and we got so many names! I'm really excited for this year!

20 Years

Saturday night, my parents had a TON of people over to celebrate their wedding anniversary. They've been married for 20 years! It was a mix of family, friends, "long lost cousins" I've never heard of and co-workers to celebrate their anniversary, their (13 years late) housewarming and my aunt's birthday all at once! Here are a couple pictures to celebrate 20 years of marriage:

The Wedding Day

Wedding shoes, shirt and wedding picture

Congratulations Mom and Dad!