Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Admitting Defeat.

I admit.
I've been defeated.

I'm an incredibly ambitious person. I always try to take on way too much.
After an intense panic attack, where I was very nauseous, dizzy and could barely breathe, I thought that maybe I was in over my head. I talked to my friend Andrew about this, and he came to the same conclusion.

Let me explain.
I've been trying to have a full course-load (which means 5 2-3rd year classes), which means a lot of homework (and being at school for 12 hours straight on Wednesdays),
I've been trying to work part-time and save up for Thailand,
I've been trying to edit my book, write my new one AND critique two more,
I've been trying to read books for fun,
I've been trying to keep a healthy relationship with Alex,
I've been trying to get enough sleep (which never happens),
I've been trying to train for a half marathon,
And I've been trying to keep up with my blog.

I don't know about you, but that's a LOT of stuff to try and manage in a mere seven days a week, while still getting enough sleep to stay alive.
So, today I spoke to my prof, and told her I would be dropping one of her classes, I returned my textbook and made my way home with a heavy heart. I also made the decision to slow down on my blog, put my writing on the back burner, and try to concentrate on school.

I hate admitting that I couldn't do it. I couldn't accomplish all the things I wanted to and it kills me that I had to drop a class, especially one that I really liked. I hate that I have to keep my creativity down in order to succeed in school, especially that I'm so inspired by this new book. I hate that I have to slow down on my blog, because I love blogging so much!

But, I need to stay sane (and alive) and in order to be able to accomplish anything, I need to be healthy and not-so-stressed out. I know it was the right decision, and in the end, I'll accomplish more by doing less.

Maybe that should've been a resolution: try and slow down with the ambitions....

1 comment :

  1. Keep your head up! I know it's awful to feel like you were defeated or you failed (I hate, hate it, too!), but sometimes what we do for our health is way more important! Hopefully you can get your life schedule situated now, and feel better, and if things start to work out, then maybe you could add writing more back in. Good luck with what you have left on your plate! :)


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